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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses? Hippocampus!"

"I am the best at avoiding competition."

"I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you"

"I like to cry sometimes so people think I know how to chop onions."

"""You never told me you were vegan!"" - no one ever"

"Next wedding Im saying its a open bar but when u get there its going to be cash.Just b/c its a 3rd wedding doesnt mean u can skip it slacker"

"What what Juan's twin sister named? I don't know, Juana guess?"

"I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokeStops... a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke edit: whoops, rip inbox. don't get sucked in by priests, kiddies."

"I have now lived in New York long enough that I can eat a meal while running at full speed."

"Why didn't Mayweather become an NFL QB? Because he couldn't READ the defense!"