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Joke of the Day

"Twitter: something to read when people are talking to you."

"What's the worst part about dumping a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"i hope jessica biel names her first child 'batmo"""

"Why couldn't the lake birds get along? Because they were SWAN enemies."

"{Date} ME: I have to warn you, I'm the jealous type WAITER: What would you folks like? HER: I'll have the s- ME: WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?!?"

"What's Irish and lies around in the sun all day? Patty O'Furniture."

"A father and his son are watching their dog clean himself... Son: Don't you wish you could do that, Dad? Dad: Nah, I'm afraid he might bite me."

"Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7."

"Whats the worst thing about a Thai Masseuse Bride? They walk all over you."

"An 18 y/o boy getting a BJ from and 80 y/o woman and a tightrope walker have the same thought...What is it? Don't look down! My Dad broke this one out this morning thought I would share."