38241

Joke of the Day

"I live with my wife in a two story house... ""I'm too tired"" and ""I have a headache"" are the only two stories I hear..."

"Nothing says you don't trust your family like pre-payment of your funeral"

"What do you call it when a hooker farts? A prosti-toot"

"My new years resolution is to have more sex! I Haven't told my cellmate yet though"

"What's a nuns favorite day of the week? Sununday."

"What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly? They ostrich-sized him"

"Doctor: ""I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating."" Me: ""Oh no! Why doctor?"" Doctor: ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"So if you never eat meat or dairy you must never throw up, because what happens in Vegans--ow stop hitting me."

"After i say ""whatever"", all the sh*t you say after that is irrelevant"

"Did you know that there is a little lonely man inside automatic towel dispensers that gives you a towel because he's happy you waved to him?"