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Joke of the Day

"I came home the other day to find my girlfriend dipping twenty dollar billsin batter and frying them. I said, ""There you go again, frittering ourmoney away!"""

"Said Helvetica Narrow to Helvetica Bold: ""Hey, you're just my type."""

"Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies? She was taken in by the coppers."

"In some people's eyes, throwing acid is wrong"

"I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy. Edit: For those worried about the kid, it's ok. He was an adopted ginger, so no big deal."

"Why would 12:00 make the best cop? ""Hands up"""

"What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang? A smell that keeps coming back!"

"As a teen I assumed the best thing about being an adult would be going to bed as late as I wanted. Little did I realise it's the opposite."

"I child proofed my entire house... and they still got in"

"(Thought of this tonight) I saw my cat go under the porch. I thought it might give birth. Then it became a parent."