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Joke of the Day

"Why did the plant get sentenced to death? Cause bush did 9/11"

"""This is where the magic happens."" - Harry Potter walking into his bedroom and every other room on MTV Cribs."

"I ordered a red ottoman online yesterday and now all my self-aware sidebar ads are a never-ending David Lynch fever dream of red ottomans."

"So I realized I have all these great stories, but far too few end with ""And then I fucked her...."" So anyways I was babysitting my little sister last night...."

"Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti"

"Accounting Joke: Why did the accountant cross the road? Because that's what they did last year."

"Xanax: For Hispanic attacks."

"The Muslim Who Dated An Ape Did you hear about the Muslim who was caught screwing an ape? He was stoned to death along with his haram bae."

"My Korean friend died yesterday So Yung..."

"Why is it unjust to blame taxi drivers for cheating us? We call them to take us in. (From The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Handbook of Conundrums, by Edith B. Ordway. So this is a century old joke.)"