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Joke of the Day

"What's the favorite subject of young witches at school? Spelling."

"If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive."

"NEW! TOP 100 TAZERS IN AMERICA!! #45 WILL SHOCK YOU!"

"Who called them ""priests"" instead of ""weapons of mass instruction""?"

"The Terminator would have been better if they'd cast Jim Parsons. ""Bazinga"" is so much better than ""I'll be back."""

"Trampolines used to be called jumpolines Until your mother jumped on one back in 87"

"What did the Chinese man say when ophthalmologist told him he had a cataract? *No, I have a Rincoln Continental!*"

"So a Jewish boy walks up to his father... a Jewish boy walks up to his father and asks him for $5. His father responds: ""$4? What do you need $3 for? Here's $2, split it with your brother."""

"Saw a hawk swoop down over the highway and fly off with a snake in his mouth and I can't even switch lanes while eating a Twizzler."

"Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one?"