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Joke of the Day

"What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as he hits your car windshield on the highway? His ass."

"Everything is easier said than done. Except for talking, that's about the same."

"My signature move is texting ""There in 5"" while I'm 80 miles away and embroiled in a Kung Fu Dance battle with an uncouth cattle farmer."

"I bought a book on eBay called ""How to Scam on eBay"". It still hasn't arrived."

"Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States? So there won't be a World War III."

"How many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5, one to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder."

"most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you"

"[job interview] ""Why do you want to leave your current job?"" My boss is a total idiot ""It says here you're self-employed?"" Yes that's right"

"How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony !"

"I've quit my new job as a postman..... .....they handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: ""This isn't for me."""