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Joke of the Day

"American Dream American is telling a German about the ""American dream"". He asks if they have a German dream? We did, replied the German, but no one really liked it."

"I used to steal punchlines from others I still do, but I used to, too."

"Two guys walked in a bar and said.. The Game."

"How is a women and peanut butter the same? It takes a lot of coaxing to get them to spread when they're cold"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus You only need one nail for the picture"

"Never let your children play in an orchestra. Too much sax and violins. * Credit to maxwell bot."

"me: it smells like updog in here me: what's updog me: not much dog what's up with you lmao me: lol therapist: I see"

"*opens present HER: What is this? ME: It's The One Ring. I fought orcs for it. HER: They didn't have that Michael Kors bag I showed you?"

"Know when to holdem *Pick up panties Know when to foldem *Fold em Know when to walk away *Leave laundromat Know when to run *Girl chasing me"

"Young Actor: Dad guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years. Father: Well keep at it son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."