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Joke of the Day

"How about how some people are SO gothed out but still drive a Ford Focus and shit?! Make your vehicle goth or you ain't shit."

"""Put your pants on grandma, you're scaring the reptiles!"" - Me, camping"

"Why don't women wear skirts in the winter? Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Hope to get down to a weight where people don't think I have an opinion on movies."

"They say Republicans are toxic and Democrats are stupid. And they're right. Just kidding they're fags."

"A married man walks into a bar"

"What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block."

"Why can't motorcycles go faster? They're two tired."

"I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members."

"My daughter has recently become deathly afraid of our cat. So I'm going to have to get rid of her. At least I'll have my cat to comfort me."