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Joke of the Day

"So I saw my mother-in-law getting beaten up by six guys ""Aren't you going to do something?"" My wife asked. ""Nah, six should be enough."" (Les Dawson)"

"What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines? Porcupines have pricks on the outside."

"A guy with a locked account just asked me why I never retweet him. Stay in school kids."

"What were the Crocodile Hunters last words? ""You Irwin some you Irlose some"" Then he dieded."

"I was playing chess with my Australian friend He moved his queen in front of my king and said ""check, mate"". I replied and said, ""you didn't win though?"" Confused he said, ""mate, I know."""

"Online dating rule: If we meet up offline, and you look nothing like your pictures, then you're buying me drinks until you do."

"Q: What time do kids need naps? A: At whine o'clock."

"Why were the police ever issued with pepper sprays? Surely this will lead to the creation of more seasoned criminals."

"My girlfriend starting putting a miniature Sylvester Stallone doll in the middle of the bed a few months ago Things have been a little rocky between us ever since"

"[pet store] Um hi can I have 4 turtles & 1 rat Clerk: hah trying to make ur own ninja turtles dude Me:*hiding miniature sai and katana* n no"