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Joke of the Day

"*hears Siren's song* *eyes glaze* *walks in a trance ten miles* *breaks window to donut shop* I'm here, Mistress. *eats everything* *dies*"

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. There is always an Asian that's better than you."

"Where do cows go on movie night? To the moooovie night."

"How does Optimus Prime stay young looking? Autobotulism"

"Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job"

"I saw Donald Trump walk by Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller without stopping... Turns out he really doesn't recognize Jewish Stars."

"The only thing better than iPad... ...is an iTampon."

"This guy gave me a free copy of his book today. An actual printed copy! I had no idea they were still doing this kind of thing. It's fancy."

"Got a couple of real nice piles of dog shit on your lawn there. Sure would be a shame if something was to... you know, ""happen"" to them."

"Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store? Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick ""Up""."