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Joke of the Day

"I like sleeping, it's like death without the commitment."

"What did the last-place olympian say after someone stole his sled? What have I got to luge?"

"Where do you get virgin wool? Ugly sheep."

"What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet."

"If Jesus was a Jew . . . If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Puerto Rican name?"

"As if "" cray cray"" wasn't irritating enough, people have started shortening it to "" cray""....that's just stu stu"

"Teachers are sometimes like an alarm clock. They won't shut up when you're trying to sleep."

"What does a Vulcan lawnmower need to function? A spock plug."

"I told her she has the most beautiful eyes and she started screaming... Apparently she doesn't like to be woken up by total strangers."

"A Mexican, a Jew, and a Italian walk into a bar..... The bartender looks up with a scowl and says..... Get the fuck out of here..."