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Joke of the Day

"I was laying on my SO's chest and commented on how comfortable it was... And she hits me with a ""It's like it's MAMMorey foam!"" line. I was quite impressed."

"The other day I was laying down a carpet... ...and my friend Speedy Gonzales was helping me. At one point I said, ""Have I missed anything, Speedy?"" And Speedy says, ""Underlay, underlay!"""

"Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman? One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction"

"Why do they say ""character actress""? Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture?"

"What do you call a jewish bodybuilder? Muscletov."

"I had a weird dream I was eating a hairy lollipop. Woke up this morning and my wifes head was covered in slobber."

"Why can't you tell a Philosophy Student a good joke? You need to give a three hour lecture and turn in a research paper on ""What is 'good'?"" first."

"Once you go black..... You can't get credit"

"Text: ARE YOU ALIVE? Me: Why?"

"What does Trump's hair and a thong have in common? They both barely cover the asshole."