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Joke of the Day

"I got a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer. Credit to Steven Wright."

"Doctor doctor I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh I'm all right at night it's in the day I have problems."

"Don't let... ...an extra chromosome get you down."

"/r/creepy I mean seriously, one was just an open door."

"My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey. So I took a photo of her hair!"

"A stampede of homeless people was heading to the local shelter. One might say they were bum rushed."

"s/o to the first person who saw a horse and was like ""YO i wanna sit on that thing and make it take me places"""

"That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him."

"Beer is like sex. When it's good it's good...when it's bad it's still pretty good."

"What's the difference between a heroine and heroin? One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug."