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Joke of the Day

"Wait a second, so violence is an actual resort? That place sounds wonderful."

"My son said he was touched by the priest at todays religious service I was there too, it was a beautiful ceremony"

"I bought a Christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.I said, ""No, I'll probably put it in the living room."""

"After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions."

"After 5 years of therapy, my therapist finally said something that brought tears to my eyes. 'No hablo ingles'"

"I hate it when I open Twitter and miss a week of work."

"Somebody asked me what a spoonerism was.... I haven't got a cooking flue."

"I've just had to reset my password to Delicate Luggage Handler as I was told it had to be case sensitive."

"Did you hear about Trump's tax plan? Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!"

"Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected. No one seems to care."