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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about Trump's tax plan? Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!"

"The kids were really suprised when I put ginger in their curry... ...they really *did* love that cat. > Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*"

"What's an owl's favorite subject? Owlgebra"

"What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One will see you later and the other will see you in a while."

"Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill."

"Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%"

"How do you make a dinosaur? Kick it up the arse"

"My grandpa told me my generation relied too much on technology I told him ""no, your generation relies too much on technology"" Then I unplugged his life support"

"What do you say if Chris Brown is your blackjack dealer and you need another card?"

"A pirate walks into a bar With a steering wheel attached to his belt. Confused, the bartender asks the man ""Hey buddy, what's up with the wheel?"" The pirate replies ""Aaaargh, it's drivin' me nuts!"""