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Joke of the Day

"Next time someone asks me a question I'm going to pull a Google & tell them my response time: ""I'd like the salad. (2.5 seconds!)"""

"Why was the rooster happy after his trip to Vegas? He got clucky."

"I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake."

"My son asked me today, ""Dad, what music did you like growing up?"" ""Led Zeppelin,"" I replied. ""Who?"" he said. ""Yeah, I liked them too."""

"What do you call a guy who likes to lose? Ewan"

"How does a duck swim from one side of the pond to the other? Very Quackly"

"What do you call a black person with a PHD? A Doctor you racist!"

"Congratulations, parents! The names yelled at dog parks are now less weird than the names yelled at playgrounds."

"Don't forget to check your backseat for murderers! Haha! No, but seriously bring me a coke it's hot in here."

"Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie? Because it keeps hitting pause."