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Joke of the Day

"The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I tweeted ""Help, I am in an Iranian prison"" everyone would be like ""haha good one"""

"Good thing the flames... Didn't make it to the cup. They would be playing water polo, not ice hockey."

"I'm so sick of being white it's like playing a video game on easy"

"Know what ""buffet"" stands for? Big Ugly Fat Fuckers Eating Together. Credit: This loud big ugly fat fucker drinking a few tables away from me at this bar."

"My wife yawned during sex but I really have to blame the dog watching us because he yawned first."

"If I had a dollar every time trump said something stupid, I'd have a small loan of a million dollars"

"There was once a magical tractor... It turned in to a field"

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A watermelon doesn't cry when you hit it with a sledgehammer."

"If the opposite of pro is con.. What's the opposite of progress?"

"After an argument with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I don't like to be spoken to in that tone of voice."