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Joke of the Day

"Good thing the flames... Didn't make it to the cup. They would be playing water polo, not ice hockey."

"Last night, my Chevy was bitten by a vampire. Now it's Vlad the Impala."

"okay, so you're definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?"

"The Emperor's New Clothes"

"They say that ignorance is bliss But I'm just as happy not knowing!"

"Thirty seven years ago, my wife walked out on me because apparently, I hold on to grudges too long. What a bitch."

"FRIEND: What 3 books would you have on a desert island? ME: My first book is more books. F: What? These aren't wish M: Second book's a TV."

"""My god,"" I whisper as the food arrives. ""Just as the prophecy foretold."""

"I don't know why people are surprised when I tell them my Grandfather Made it out of Auschwitz. Most of the German officers did."

"1.Not leaving my room 2.Not leaving the house 3.Missing someone's birthday party My childhood punishments have become my adult hobbies."