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Joke of the Day

"Have you tried that new cocktail called Hurricane Sandy? It's just a watered down Manhattan."

"I was talking to a 12 year old on the Internet when she told me she was an undercover cop I told her I was proud of her That's a really big job for a 12 year old"

"why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? because he was far out."

"Dad, Why was Mahatma Gandhi bald ""Because he always spoke the truth"" ""Oh! That's why woman have long hair"""

"My neighbor's wife asked me if I wanted to help make her husband jealous... I said ""sure!"" and hung myself in the bedroom closet."

"What did one ball say to the other? ""This guy in the middle is a dick"""

"4/10 Teachers in the UK 'assaulted by pupils' This is terrible... Go for us in assemblies, we're all grouped up. You can't miss!"

"This is getting ridiculous. At what point does a newborn learn to change their own diaper?"

"I need a backspace key for my mouth"

"Traffic wardens are so nice in my area... they always leave notes on my car like 'Parking fine'. edit: this joke is fucking awful"