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Joke of the Day
"My teenage daughter is very odd She literally can't even."
Next Joke
"I hadn't seen my girlfriend for a while... When she saw me, she said, ""Wow, your hands are so soft!"" ""But... where have you been working out?"""
"Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife!"" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)"
"Scientists have found out what a woman wants. But she had already changed her mind."
"What do u call a Jamaican proctologist? Poke'mon"
"9 y/o daughter: dad, what's your favourite healthy food? Me: fruits. Your's? 9: Eggs Me: Good 9: like Reese's peanut butter eggs"
"I bought a used BMW from a cannibal yesterday. It cost me an arm and a leg."
"Wife: DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS? Husband: ? *Wife storms out room* Husband: Happy Valsenbirthery?!"
"""You never told me you were vegan!"" - no one ever"
"Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous."