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Joke of the Day

"I hardly ever drink Only 2 times a year to be exact On my birthday, And when it's not my birthday"

"What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands? A pocket watch."

"Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken."

"As a software developer, I like my bugs how I like my women Unable to reproduce."

"Woman driver is like a star on the sky You see her, she doesn't see you."

"Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead."

"I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on."

"Why don't Dunkin' Donuts employees wear name tags? It wouldn't fit on their shirt."

"Red cross: would you like to volunteer to give blood? Me: oh, no thank you, I already involuntarily give blood 5 days out of the month"

"If I had a dime for every time I lost something between the couch cushions... I would probably lose those between the couch cushions too."