36688

Joke of the Day

"If Billy Joel made a Christmas movie, what would it be called? Miracle On 52nd Street"

"Cartoons lied to me as a child. I was lead to believe quicksand was going to be a much larger problem in life."

"Trump is blaming Sanders supporters for the violence at his rally because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a Jew for your problems."

"*Runs a bath Me: ok, jump in 3: it's too hot *Adds cold water Me: Ok, get in 3: it's too cold Apparently I gave birth to Goldilocks."

"Roses are red, And sometimes thorny, When I think of you, It makes me horny."

"Policeman: Why were you asleep at the wheel? Motorist: Your siren lulled me to sleep."

"How do you make a kilogram of fat appealing? Put a nipple on it"

"I'm not a competitive person I'll be the first to admit it."

"SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever happened to my three younger brothers? WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ....Chicken pox"

"Why was the marshmallow stuck to the tree? It was taped."