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Joke of the Day

"*drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* Octopus after owning some1 in a rap battle"

"What do you call an intoxicated midget? A little drunk."

"Apparently Facebook has been flying drones around in third world countries They are trying to kill everyone who isn't on facebook"

"Always be yourself, unless you can be a giraffe. Then, be a giraffe."

"Gloria Gaynor's ghost I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified."

"What should planes be made of to fend off islamists? Allahminium! Since Muslims cant desecrate anything with Allah on it!"

"3 great things about getting old and losing your memory 1. You're always making new friends. 2. Every joke you hear is new. 3. I uh, I forget the third one."

"I just got fired for sexual harassment. I'm self employed."

"Quick! Can fingerprints be pulled off a raccoon? No time! NO TIME!"

"How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke."