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Joke of the Day

"Why do robots make bad lovers? Nuts & bolts!"

"What's the slowest, most painful way to kill yourself? Get married."

"Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's? Q:Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's? A: Because they are Haulin' Oats!"

"I figured something was fishy with my doctor when he was giving me a rectal exam, but he had both hands on my shoulders."

"The part of the Harry Potter movies that I found most unbelievable was that mostly unsupervised teenagers never had wild keg parties."

"Texting...because men didn't have a hard enough time understanding women before so we had to take away the ability to convey tone."

"Yo mama is so fat that we were unable to put her under for the surgery. I'm sorry, there's nothing we could do."

"Will Smith: ""Jaden, I want you to star in this 100 million dollar movie with me"" My Dad: ""Shut up and hold this flashlight Steve"""

"One fifth of people... ...are just too tense!"

"I took a Viagra earlier and it got stuck in my throat... I've had a stiff neck for hours."