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Joke of the Day

"""But I need braaaaaaains!"" ~A frustrated zombie at a Trump rally"

"Hanging out with fake, toxic people is like running a brothel for diseased cats. I don't do that shit anymore"

"This guy in an overcoat walks up to two old nuns on a bench and opens up his coat to reveal he's completely naked underneath. One of the nuns has a stroke. The other one couldn't reach"

"*walks up to little girl* ""Honey, is your dad in jail?"" ""No, why?"" ""Because if I was your dad, I'd be in jail."""

"What do you call a well-endowed Asian man? Hung Lo"

"my car's fuel economy is not doing so good... as a matter of fact, it's tanking"

"Grocery stores nowadays have amazing selection We have powdered milk, powdered orange juice, powdered eggs, baby powder..."

"What do a cue ball and a mexican have in common? The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of them."

"ME: *to friend* you're dumb as a box of rocks lol BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude"

"I bought an iBoat and it's syncing!"