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Joke of the Day

"When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers."

"I'm a fartartist The fart is silent"

"What's better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics? Having legs."

"Do you know what the arch enemies of skinheads are? Blackheads."

"Absinthe For when you'd love to wake up in the morning...naked on a raft in your neighbour's pool, but lack the motivation"

"The courier delivered only half of my grizzly outfit today... So I choked him with my bear hands."

"*pulls away from kissing* JUDGE: That was unexpected and kind of nice, but you're still guilty."

"My fruit business went into liquidation. I now sell smoothies."

"My buddy just came over with his eyebrows waxed... The light had them shining so much it looked like both of his eyes just came up with the best idea."

"Why were the teachers eyes so crossed? She couldn't control her pupils."