36442

Joke of the Day

"[pirate ship] Pirate: Walk the plank Me: *struts down like nobody's business* Pirate: wait come back that was awesome you're one of us now"

"""Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."" Cashier: ""Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"" Customer: ""Nah...she's purdy good lookin'..."""

"What's the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."

"I hate Russian nesting dolls They're so full of themselves"

"A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water. Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight... Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire"

"Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way."

"Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys? Aisle B, back."

"I love posting spam. Although, I've been warned again by the Royal Mail not to mail bits of meat in the post."

"What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pickpocket? A peeping Tom snatches watch's"

"What did one crab say to the other? ""Damn this bitch is nasty!"""