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Joke of the Day

"Hey honey, I bought some steaks. I need you to stand on this box next to me while I eat them. Because it says right here, ""Best if consumed by date on package."""

"Here's hoping 2013 is the year in which I finally fix the bugs in my new time machine. -garyDelaney"

"Yoga pants and Walmart My nephew told me all women have nice butts in yoga pants, so I took him to walmart so he could see the error of his thoughts."

"I am woman, hear me ignore."

"What did one Redditer say to another? Doesn't matter, the real joke is in the comments."

"Dear fork, I just wanted to inform you that you have a son. His name is Spork. Love always, Spoon PS: he has your hair."

"Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist....basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs."

"centipede: *trips* *but for like, an hour*"

"I can't figure out if I'm drinking Malibu rum or licking sun tan lotion off skin."

"What do call a potato that knows martial arts? Jacket Chan"