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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend just texted me, her dragon name was ""Vaerjuam"". I was like "" Hey Vaerjuam. I'm dad."""

"I'm coming out with a workout video called ""Beached Whale Body"". It's just a video of me sitting on my recliner with my computer on my lap and phone in hand."

"Throwing a life preserver to someone drowning in boiling oil is a futile act... Unless of course that life preserver is made of dough."

"An axe walks into a forest... An axe walks into a forest and the trees say, ""At least the handle is one of us."""

"DEFENSE: Your Honor, will you allow my client to escape? JUDGE: I'll allow it PROSECUTOR: Aw WTF JUDGE: Let's see where he goes with this"

"Britney Spears and WILL.A.AM go to use the toilet... Test... Mods plz delete omg"

"What's a terrorists favorite sports team? The new York jets."

"I always thought I had a massive cock. Turned out to be an ostrich"

"Why did everyone think that the proctologist was a great fighter? Because he was really good at talking shit...."

"Show me on this lemon where life gave it to you."