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Joke of the Day

"*waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*"

"Bought some gary speed wallpaper last night, its amazing! it hung itself!"

"Did you hear that the World Hokey Pokey Champion has died? At the undertakers, they were putting him into the coffin. They got his left leg in. That's when the trouble started..."

"Two Pigs Laying In The Sun... One pig says: ""It's so hot out here."" The other pig says: ""I am..."" (_) ( _)>- (_) ""Bacon."""

"How Many Friend Zoned Men Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? None, they just all stand around complaining that it won't screw!"

"What's the difference between aged cheddar and regular cheddar? The aged cheddar isn't as sharp as it once was."

"Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?"

"Rihanna just started dating Chris Brown He struck her as a violent person"

"""It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"" Whatever. The point is, it was two people with contemporary American names."

"Stranger: ""Hey, I like your beard!"" Me: ""Thanks, it's really growing on me"""