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Joke of the Day

"If you encounter a bear in the wilderness, sing a Coldplay song. You'll die, but the bear will suffer too."

"I'm off work next week so I'm gonna throw this knife at a map, where it lands I go. *throws knife, misses map.* Space, I'm going to space"

"I saw a smart car get hit with a snow ball today, yep, it was totalled!"

"All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?"

"If your opinion about global warming is based on the weather outside then you don't deserve to have an opinion about global warming"

"Ukraine are currently third in the Paralympics table, reaping the rewards of their investment programme... ...Or as we know it, 'Chernobyl 1986'"

"Johnny was a chemist... ...but Johnny is no more. For what Johnny thought was H2O, Was H2SO4."

"How do you know an angle is dead? When it shows no vital sines"

"I want to make a revolutionary new show called So You Think You Can't Dance. It's a singing competition."

"What do you call someone who is great at casting?? A Mastercaster hahahahahah"