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Joke of the Day

"The number of times you say ""Don't judge me"" is directly proportional to the amount of things you do that you know are wrong."

"Cop: Hey U! U: who, me? Cop: no the other 1! 1: who, me? Cop: both of U! W: who, us? Cop: Yes you! U: Who, me? Cop: No! No: yes?"

"I told my boyfriend that I felt like I had been forgetting a lot of things lately. He said, ""because I've been fucking your brains out."" I've never laughed so hard."

"What do you get when you cross... an insomniac, a dyslectic, and an agnostic... A: someone whos stays up at night wondering if there's dog"

"Wife and husband laying in bed And the husband says ""honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."" To which the wife replies ""you have a bigger dick than your brother!"""

"The 1670s called. Not sure how."

"Multiple personalities If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves is it considered a hostage situation?"

"What did Oliver Twist say at the slave auction? Please sir, I want some moors."

"Most Republicans are still voting for Trump. Can I be banned for this, since it's actually not a joke?"

"My cowboy friends phone froze on gindr the other day He kept asking ""Why can't I quit you"""