3565
Joke of the Day
"[outside a blazing house] Firefighter: ... Me: ... Firefighter: ... Me: ... There was a spider."
Next Joke
"*jk rowling wakes up* what's today's tweet *spins large bingo cage* hagrid... is... pansexual and... he later joined isis"
"fyi, drug mule does not mean youll be getting stoned and riding around on a donkey... worst first day ever"
"Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit down!"
"I go in hard and come out soft You blow me hard what am I? a stick of gum :D"
"McDonald's serves up 1 billion ""abortions on toast"" They've sold 1 billion of [these](http://i.imgur.com/d9CDgON.jpg)...the egg-mcmuffin"
"My scale is broken. It only seems to go up."
"Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us."
"What does the Obama administration think about foreign relations? Why so Syrias?"
"a woman deceived me with makeup. she pretended to be a hot girl but she was actually a lizard who stole my emeralds. all of them"