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Joke of the Day

"McDonald's serves up 1 billion ""abortions on toast"" They've sold 1 billion of [these](http://i.imgur.com/d9CDgON.jpg)...the egg-mcmuffin"

"I like Buddha He's a well rounded guy"

"He said he was a Guardian of the galaxy, I thought that was pretty cool until I realised he was a security guard in a Samsung shop."

"Asked the librarian for a book on the female G Spot. He couldn't find it."

"My friend and I were talking yesterday and he asked me if I sometimes randomly recited the English vowels. I replied, ""Sometimes, why?""."

"Mom, Daughter and Neighbour Daughter: ""Hey mom, I just found out the guy next door has a penis like a peanut."" Mom : ""Really! Is it that small?"" Daughter: ""Nope. It's salty!"""

"We're going to build a great wall to keep the inspirational tweets out. And Facebook is going to pay for it. Make Twitter Great Again."

"Went to the disco last night... Went to the disco last night. They played Twist, so I did the Twist. They played Jump, so I jumped. They played Come on Eileen, I got kicked out for that one.."

"4 y/o: how does Santa go to everyone's house in one night me: warp speed 4 y/o: warp speed isn't real me: neither is Santa go to sleep"

"Man goes to a restaurant Sits down at a table by himself and places a calender in front of him. The waiter ask why the calendar? Man replies ""I didn't want to be alone so I brought some dates"""