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Joke of the Day

"Why were the Persians attracted to the Anatolian Greeks? Because they were Ionic."

"Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? Many think it's R, but his first love be the C."

"This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club. I was confused, I'd never met herbivore."

"My internet boyfriend doesn't know about my real life boyfriend, which makes two of them."

"What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus? A stand up driver."

"3YO: ""How do babies get out of bellies?"" ME: ""Look! Ice cream!"" *5 min later* 3YO [COVERED IN ICE CREAM]: ""How do babies get out of be---"""

"{Goes to buy Virgin Airlines ticket} ""Can I buy one even if I've done sex?"" Um. Yes sir ""Cause I have"" Okay ""I've done all of it"" Please go"

"My sister bet me a $100 i couldn't build a car out of Spaghetti... You should've seen the look on her face when i drove pasta!!!!"

"Having kids is like being at a press conference: ""No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next question."" ""No, you can't really fly -next"""