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Joke of the Day

"""Why is everyone talking about me? They seem mad..."" -Temp worker at Foot Locker"

"Camping for your honeymoon Is fucking intents"

"How to have sex How do you get a gay man to have sex with a female? You fill her cunt up with shit."

"My boss fired me because I didn't attend the meeting as I had to answer an important call. Apparently nature's call doesn't count as important to him"

"After reviewing Spielberg's WWII movies I can't decide which actor is superior, Tom Hanks in ""Saving Private Ryan"" or Sarah Jessica Parker in ""War Horse."""

"What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pick pocket The pick pocket snatches watches"

"They say religion is the opiate of the masses Makes sense, because when I go to church I nod off... (This is actually a joke I made up. Thought I'd share)"

"If at first you don't succeed: try management."

"[interview] ""Describe yourself in 5 words."" me: Salacious. Professionally sensual. HR compliant."

"Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes that was one of his most striking achievements."