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Joke of the Day

"I only watch Storage Wars to see if they find my ex's body. Just kidding. I like the show. And she's buried in the woods."

"As a german I have to ask: You know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. Our engineering is perfect."

"If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here."

"How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone says that his last light bulb was much better."

"Well no wonder we haven't cured cancer yet. Our standard for the ""best medicine"" is laughter."

"What is the hardest thing to do after starting a family? Ending them."

"Why was the liquor trader arrested? Because he was in cider trading"

"Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence."

"""...you can also say 'representative' at any ti--"" ""REPRESENTATIVE!!"""

"Schrodinger's Omlette Up until you flip the omelette, you don't know if it's an omelette or scrambled eggs. If it flips, omelette it is If it doesn't, scrambled it is"