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Joke of the Day

"What did the calculus student who failed his test and the guy who got a speed ticket have in common? They didn't know their limits"

"Imagine if every Sunday all your friends decided to only speak in a foreign language. That's how I feel during football season."

"Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren't worth it."

"Told my mom I was adopted. Totally April Fooled her ass."

"How does a redneck find a sheep in his field? Sexy."

"I had no shoes and I felt sorry for myself..... Then I met a man with no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better."

"What do you call an Arab who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist motherfucker."

"What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don't want to make something out of my life."

"(Trump rally) Trump: I'll take questions now. Reporter: How will you fix California's drought? Trump: More water. Crowd: *cheers wildly*"

"Ref: I'm sending you off Player: What for? Ref: The rest of the match!"