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Joke of the Day
"""You promise you didn't get me bees again"" [me from a distance] just open it"
Next Joke
"Big girls are like mopeds I'll get drunk and wreck them too."
"What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."
"I hate seeing people I know on Tinder My girlfriend has some explaining to do..."
"I hate three things (1) Posting on /r/Jokes (2) Lists (3) Irony"
"Trump Tower and Michael Phelps Between Michael Phelps and Trump Tower, it has been the biggest week for suction cups in the history of mankind."
"I judge every book by its cover: ""Too smart for me"" is what I say and then look at Twitter on my phone."
"I told my mate that my newborn baby's stomach was the size of a walnut. . . . ""Just feed him a walnut then."""
"I'm less upset with Lance Armstrong lying about taking performance-enchancing drugs than I am at Oprah for lying about retiring."
"There once was a man from Nantucket... ...who started a poem then said ""fuck it."""