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Joke of the Day

"Big girls are like mopeds I'll get drunk and wreck them too."

"A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk."

"What do you call a lousy psychic? Telepathetic."

"I just watched the girl next to me google ""lack toast and tolerant symptoms"" Symptoms: you have no toast but it's totally tolerable."

"I remember being about 10 years old & seeing a homeless guy with a dog & I just looked at them both & mumbled, ""Lucky."""

"I had a girlfriend with a parakeet. We had to break up cause it would never shut up. But the bird was cool."

"What do a piece of tuperware and a walrus have in common? They both like a tight seal."

"Everyone sings ""Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You"" to their selfies, right guys? Guys?..."

"How do you know Satan's barbeque ribs are good? Cos they're trident tested. #noapologies"

"What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons"