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Joke of the Day

"I was going to book a holiday to Sweden But then I realised I couldn't af-fjord it"

"Waiter what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder! I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !"

"Am I a bad person of I am skeptical of a guy with a ""Need Help - God Bless"" sign on an iPad 2?"

"Guy in Car: get out of my way idiot Guy in Crosswalk: pedestrians have the right of way Car Guy: this ain't Pedestria buddy this is America"

"""Captain, have you ever made love at sea?"" ""No son, but I've been blown ashore many a time."""

"When you're a kid and you have an accident you pee your pants. When you're an adult and you have an accident you have a kid."

"That annoying moment when you're waiting for a text & you get one but it's from the wrong person."

"I have no idea who invented ballet dancing but I'm willing to bet good money it was a guy trying to sneak back into bed after coming home pissed from a bar"

"What is Donald Trump telling Barack Obama supporters? Orange is the new Black."

"DOC: We think you may have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are? ME: Can't say I do DOC: That's one of the symptoms, yes."