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Joke of the Day

"*swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* Wife: STOP TOUCHING MY FOREHEAD!"

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"I haven't heard anything from my doctor since my ear surgery. Or anyone, for that matter."
"""Son it's time we had the talk"" ""Cmon dad I know about se.."" ""Jet fuel can't melt steel beams"" ""What?"" ""It was an inside job"""
"Anyone can give a definition for erectile dysfunction... It's not that hard."
"My two year-old has begun shouting ""The end!"" in a sing-song voice when he wants you to stop talking to him. Going to try this myself."
"Columbus: SO THIS IS INDIA Natives: actually it's no- C: HI INDIANS N: no see, we are nowhere near- C: INDIA IS FUN LETS EAT YOUR FOOD"
"Q: What can you do if you don't like the Prelude in C Sharp Minor? A: Turn Rachmanin off."
"[doing crossword] Me: I'm looking for a word that means slight pause Her: Hiatus? Me: *erasing 'our sex life'* thanks"
"Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life. It keeps getting harder and I can't stop eating everything in sight."
"I've finally found something my girlfriend's bum doesn't look big in... ... The distance"
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