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Joke of the Day

"What shape is your hair in the morning? A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)"

"While working at a lab, I accidentally put a q-tip that had been exposed to pulmonary tuberculosis in my mouth I consumed consumption."

"A teacher asked her students to use the word ""beans"" in a sentence... ""My father grows beans,"" said one girl. ""My mother cooks beans,"" said a boy. A third student spoke up, ""We are all human beans."""

"Just saw the hood of my jacket out of the corner of my eye and jumped out of the way, in case the Navy SEALS are hiring."

"Dad, can I have another cup of water? Dad: But its your 12th cup tonight! Son: I know, the baby's room is still on fire."

"What is Bruce Wayne's favorite religious health food? Christian Kale"

"How do you get a person with podophobia to leave? Just say ""shoe""."

"During a routine physical the Doctor said, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" asked the patient. ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"""

"When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can't have both."

"I don't think Muslims go far enough in killing people who draw images of the prophet Mohammed. I think they should kill people who are named after him as well."