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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you."

"Where do dead people buy their cigarettes? At the coroner store."

"Terrorists now have a brand new state of the art weapon that can be hidden in plain sight The Galaxy Note 7"

"My girlfriends 2 year old nephew loves trucks. His first word was truck. He points at every truck he sees and talks about trucks in his sleep. I guess you could day he's semi crazy"

"If you press this button, you will get a piece of cheesecake but one person on earth will die so- *me already pressing button* sorry, what?"

"what's the difference between 3 cocks and a joke? your mom can't take a joke."

"I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while."

"*opens kitchen drawer* Me: Whoa, what's with all the whisks? Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?"

"Did you hear about the airplane that crashed into a cemetery? They recovered 12,000 bodies."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool."