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Joke of the Day

"My son, 5, scared of the thunder. I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all. Think that helped."

"{Thomas Edison prank call} Is your refrigerator running? ""Yes.."" YOU'RE WELCOME! *click*"

"In Need of A Psychic Reading There was a man that needed a psychic reading. He showed up on the psychic's front porch and knocked on the door. The psychic said, ""Who is it""? So he went back home."

"If you are bored I recommend mass texting all of your exes ""I'm ready to give it another shot"" and then get ready for the ride of your life"

"What is a simile? It's like a metaphor."

"Boss: Why are you late? Me: Why are you so obsessed with me?"

"What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common? Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house."

"Guns don't kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do."

"Instead of the standard 140, people should only be allowed as many characters as they have IQ points."

"Donald Trump has written a lot of books But they all ended with chapter 11"