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Joke of the Day

"My wife lost interest in sex with me because... ..of my gut, but we still have one thing in common: Neither one of us has seen my dick in years."

"I'm wearing a push-up bra and can still only do 3 push-ups. Would not recommend."

"Air resistance Is a jerk"

"I'm having a meeting tomorrow at 5 for people that have trouble ejaculating. If you can't come, just let me know."

"Despite the rumors, I actually don't have a problem with the new $20.... This country has a long history of trading black people for other goods."

"Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise."

"How can you tell if Trump is lying? His lips move. How can you tell if Clinton is lying? [deleted]"

"Looks like Subway finally has a good excuse for their footlongs being less than 12 inches Anything under 12 is better for Jared."

"Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! ""The green one dad, not the Red one!"""

"A model train set is the male equivalent of 25 cats."