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Joke of the Day

"A quantum physicist gets pulled over. The police officer asks ""Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?"" The quantum physicist responds ""No, but I know exactly where I am."""

"What do you call an abusive pothead? A weed whacker."

"I finished off a pizza today like it was planning to testify against me in court."

"Everyone's a contrarian these days... Well, except for me of course."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, because feminists cant change anything."

"Her: If I get fat will you break up with me? Me: No but you're now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden."

"What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a Rap artist? art"

"Redditors won't get this... Original content"

"Did you hear that Sean Connery tried out speed-dating but he ended up making all his dates sick? He was told it was a shingles club."

"My dick is so average... It's struggling with student loan debt but doesn't even use it's degree... Or Can handle about 5-6 beers before it's totally useless Or Its like the Toyota corolla of dicks"