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Joke of the Day

"I finished off a pizza today like it was planning to testify against me in court."

"What did the constipated mathematician do? He worked his problems out with a pencil and paper."

"Got a big audition coming up that requires me to tell a good school appropriate joke. I have plenty of jokes, none of them school appropriate. I thought I'd come here for help."

"The sign said, ""Call Jesus for help."" The next day I had a Mexican guy mowing my lawn."

"My suicide notes just keep turning into grocery lists."

"Unless you are a pregnancy test, take your negativity somewhere else."

"What's the difference between a fort and a fortress? A fortress has breastworks."

"Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from? I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez."

"Worst joke:joker said I'm not a joker"

"Why don't gay necrophiles like to talk about their pasts? Too many skeletons in their closets."