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Joke of the Day

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!"

"the children's version of ""The Catcher In The Rye"" is called ""My Little Phony"""

"How do you cut the Roman Empire in half? With a pair of Caesars!"

"You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace"

"What did the clock say when he was finished having sex? The time has come."

"If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you."

"Q. What is black and white and screams? A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs."

"My burrito brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, ""Careful,everything is falling out from the other side."""

"Why was the schwa bad at giving speeches? He said ""uhh"" way too much."

"How often do I think about Keira? Knightley."